At the risk of being told I am a bad mom-or I did it wrong-I have to say something. I am tired...tired of research articles telling mom's that a NEW finding has found that what they are doing is wrong...damaging...or will forever change how their children attach or don't attach to the world, people, or life.
I have 3 beautiful children-I did nothing to deserve them-but I have them and I am blessed. And I know that even on my best days I am messing up in one way or another...I know this because I am not perfect, therefore in many ways I am going to make mistakes along the way.
Don't we all feel that sense as a parent. If so then why must we go back and forth on these issues. It is a vicious circle that never ends up with both sides feeling good about their parenting choices. Why must we make each other feel guilty in order to feel okay about what we have chosen?
If you can and have chosen to breastfeed-AWESOME.
If you can't breastfeed (and I know this is a topic all in itself) or you chose not to-AWESOME.
If a schedule dictated by parents works for you and your kids AWESOME
If you like to dictate your day based on your kids AWESOME
If you pushed that baby out of you with no drugs AWESOME
If you begged for drugs at the 1st contraction AWESOME
If you tried to get that baby out but it didn't work out for one reason or the other and you had a C-section AWESOME
If you sleep with your baby AWESOME
If your baby has slept in a crib since day 1 AWESOME
If you work AWESOME
If you stay home AWESOME
If you use a stroller AWESOME
If you use a front pack AWESOME
And the list could go on and on-most of those 'hot topics' are just about the 'baby years'-there are MANY more polarizing issues...
Why?? Because we can choose- because we all are doing what we are doing out of love for our kids and our family-because 99% of the time we have no clue why the people who have chosen opposite of us have picked what they do--because some days none of us choose...some days as parents we survive, because there is MUCH to pick at each other about...but there is MUCH MORE to learn from and praise-congratulate-celebrate-and embrace with each other about.
Parenting is a tough gig-we are tasked with figuring out a LOT-with every step there is a new learning curve, a new circumstance, a different kid, a new perspective and the list goes on.
We are all imperfect people-doing a really hard job-I would love if we had more grace for each other in the midst of it all.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
This weekend...some thoughts on Mother's Day.
I have been thinking about this weekend a lot lately. Mother's Day falls on this weekend. This weekend will not be hard for me-it will be fun. My husband will come up with a way for my kids to celebrate me. I will wake up to 3 smiling lives who call me mom.
My journey to motherhood came fairly easy. For whatever reason I was given the undeserved gift of children without much struggle. We have suffered loss along the way with 2 miscarriages in between each of our kids...but each time I grieved, I remember being so grateful that my pregnancy with Blake came easy, and that the girls' came quickly after each loss...I understood that I had yet again been given a huge gift-for in the midst of figuring out how to grieve the loss of life-I got to still call myself mom.
I have been thinking the women I know for whom this is not the case. I know the face of longing to be a mom in a few. Each scenario different-each story is hard, for some the journey is over and they have kids now-but they will never forget the years of waiting, hoping, struggling, yearning. I hope that each woman who has this story is known by someone. Your stories may not be what people want to hear about tomorrow, but don't let that stop you from telling someone, your story is important, you are important.
Mother's Day is hard for those who long to be a mom.
I have also been thinking about my own mom-how I still get to have her on Earth-how we will talk on the phone tomorrow, we will laugh, she will giggle with her Grandkids, how even though this will be the 1st time in 32 years that I won't get to physically give my mom a hug on this day-I have a good relationship with her-she knows that I love and appreciate her. (Her gift will arrive on Monday:) )
This again is not the case for everyone. I know the face of some whose moms have died-instead of celebrating tomorrow, mother's day gives them another day where the grief is a little more sharp and the pain is bit more present. It does the same for adult children whose relationship with their mom is hard and for moms who long for a better relationship with their kids, mother's day reminds them not of what they have but rather of what they don't.
Mother's Day is hard for those who miss their mom's in one way or another. It is also hard for mom's who miss their children.
And finally I have been thinking about the moms who have lost a child, whose baby has died before them. I have a SMALL taste of what this is like as mentioned above. But no idea what it feels like when the pregnancy has gone on longer than 11 weeks or when the child has lived in this world for a time. For these mothers have a face to remember...some a personality to remember...all a loss to remember.
Mother's Day is hard for women whose children have died.
I am not saying we shouldn't celebrate moms-and tomorrow I will love my messy cards and slobbery kisses. I just wanted to take notice that while this 'holiday' will be fun for me-it is not fun for many-some scenarios I probably haven't mentioned I am sure-if you know someone for whom this is the case-take a moment to love them.
My journey to motherhood came fairly easy. For whatever reason I was given the undeserved gift of children without much struggle. We have suffered loss along the way with 2 miscarriages in between each of our kids...but each time I grieved, I remember being so grateful that my pregnancy with Blake came easy, and that the girls' came quickly after each loss...I understood that I had yet again been given a huge gift-for in the midst of figuring out how to grieve the loss of life-I got to still call myself mom.
I have been thinking the women I know for whom this is not the case. I know the face of longing to be a mom in a few. Each scenario different-each story is hard, for some the journey is over and they have kids now-but they will never forget the years of waiting, hoping, struggling, yearning. I hope that each woman who has this story is known by someone. Your stories may not be what people want to hear about tomorrow, but don't let that stop you from telling someone, your story is important, you are important.
Mother's Day is hard for those who long to be a mom.
I have also been thinking about my own mom-how I still get to have her on Earth-how we will talk on the phone tomorrow, we will laugh, she will giggle with her Grandkids, how even though this will be the 1st time in 32 years that I won't get to physically give my mom a hug on this day-I have a good relationship with her-she knows that I love and appreciate her. (Her gift will arrive on Monday:) )
This again is not the case for everyone. I know the face of some whose moms have died-instead of celebrating tomorrow, mother's day gives them another day where the grief is a little more sharp and the pain is bit more present. It does the same for adult children whose relationship with their mom is hard and for moms who long for a better relationship with their kids, mother's day reminds them not of what they have but rather of what they don't.
Mother's Day is hard for those who miss their mom's in one way or another. It is also hard for mom's who miss their children.
And finally I have been thinking about the moms who have lost a child, whose baby has died before them. I have a SMALL taste of what this is like as mentioned above. But no idea what it feels like when the pregnancy has gone on longer than 11 weeks or when the child has lived in this world for a time. For these mothers have a face to remember...some a personality to remember...all a loss to remember.
Mother's Day is hard for women whose children have died.
I am not saying we shouldn't celebrate moms-and tomorrow I will love my messy cards and slobbery kisses. I just wanted to take notice that while this 'holiday' will be fun for me-it is not fun for many-some scenarios I probably haven't mentioned I am sure-if you know someone for whom this is the case-take a moment to love them.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
15 minutes until go time....
15 minutes until we have to leave...that is my buffer with 3 kids...I don't have to BE to the place in 15 minutes, but rather at 15 minutes before I need everyone in the car is when I try to start getting packed up. And almost always these days I look at the clock at 15 minutes until needing to leave-look at my 3 kids-and think, "I think we can do it this time." WHY do I think that...it is ALWAYS within seconds after I think that little thought that this happens...or a variation of this...
Nora simultaneously poops and pukes on me and her...thus needed to change her outfit completely and at least wipe my shirt of or change it if time...(this is also why a newborn adds a TON of laundry to your life they are not just puking on their tiny cute clothes but they are doing it on you, on the couch, on sheets, on blankets....), while changing #3 and dealing with the decision as to whether my shoulder and shirt are salvageable (and by that I mean will you see the poop and can you smell the puke if you got near me)...today the answer was no... Nora is clean and in her crib...10 minutes til go time..I run to grab a clean shirt...while changing #1 pops in my room (no privacy here) and says, "Mom I have go to the bathroom and it is going to take a while I think." Oh my-great-off he goes to the bathroom...meanwhile #2 has been alone for about 7 minutes and in this time she has managed to take off her socks and shoes, pull out her hair ties, crumble up the last of her lunch crackers and put them in her Easter basket...while trying to deal with the shoe issue #1 comes out of the potty and I think we are on our way! At that moment I have no clue where my keys are...5 minutes to go...I decide to put all of the little darlings in the the car, buckle them, so I can go and look for the keys in peace. Off we go downstairs...forgetting things along the way...running back up stairs...yelling about who gets to open the car door...buckle, buckle, snap! They are in 1 min to go...I run upstairs to find the keys...no luck...run around some more...try to come up with a way to tell Blake he isn't going to school because I can' t find my keys...look some more...go time has past. I head back down to the car to have said conversation to notice that #2...is rather quiet...and smiling at her Easter basket (which she brought with her in the car) and low and behold in the bottom of the grass and now cracker crumbs are my keys! Off we go...5 minutes late...but off none-the-less...whew...
We have 5 months to figure out this for Kindergarten...I am sure we will...at least on more days than not :) Three is quite a trip but we are enjoying the crazy!
Nora simultaneously poops and pukes on me and her...thus needed to change her outfit completely and at least wipe my shirt of or change it if time...(this is also why a newborn adds a TON of laundry to your life they are not just puking on their tiny cute clothes but they are doing it on you, on the couch, on sheets, on blankets....), while changing #3 and dealing with the decision as to whether my shoulder and shirt are salvageable (and by that I mean will you see the poop and can you smell the puke if you got near me)...today the answer was no... Nora is clean and in her crib...10 minutes til go time..I run to grab a clean shirt...while changing #1 pops in my room (no privacy here) and says, "Mom I have go to the bathroom and it is going to take a while I think." Oh my-great-off he goes to the bathroom...meanwhile #2 has been alone for about 7 minutes and in this time she has managed to take off her socks and shoes, pull out her hair ties, crumble up the last of her lunch crackers and put them in her Easter basket...while trying to deal with the shoe issue #1 comes out of the potty and I think we are on our way! At that moment I have no clue where my keys are...5 minutes to go...I decide to put all of the little darlings in the the car, buckle them, so I can go and look for the keys in peace. Off we go downstairs...forgetting things along the way...running back up stairs...yelling about who gets to open the car door...buckle, buckle, snap! They are in 1 min to go...I run upstairs to find the keys...no luck...run around some more...try to come up with a way to tell Blake he isn't going to school because I can' t find my keys...look some more...go time has past. I head back down to the car to have said conversation to notice that #2...is rather quiet...and smiling at her Easter basket (which she brought with her in the car) and low and behold in the bottom of the grass and now cracker crumbs are my keys! Off we go...5 minutes late...but off none-the-less...whew...
We have 5 months to figure out this for Kindergarten...I am sure we will...at least on more days than not :) Three is quite a trip but we are enjoying the crazy!
Monday, March 11, 2013
We had a moment....
This morning while this was coming out of the oven we had a moment....
All three kids where "playing" together, Nora had just eaten and was happily laying on her floor gym soaking up some Vitamin D from a near by window and Blake and Claire were playing Lego's next to her. :)
I post this not because I want people to feel like this is how it is always at our house-me getting to bake something while the kids just calmly take care of themselves...-IT IS NOT-...quite the opposite actually.
In fact right after these pictures, Claire got a hold of one of Blake's ships and broke it to pieces, leading to crying from him and a timeout + crying for her...at that exact moment is when Nora puked on herself and started screaming....that is MOSTLY what is happening in our home these days...
BUT rather I post this to remind myself that we did have A MOMENT where I felt like we had settled into our new rhythm of 3 kids with 1 mom for 12 hours a day...that is what I want to try to challenge myself to remember during the other moments-the ones that can whisper that we will never find our grove.
These moments remind me that with grace and love from Jesus we will hopefully have more and more of them as the days and weeks go on...and on the days we don't...they will help remind me that it is possible, I am not failing, we are figuring this out together and I am loved in the midst of this crazy, wonderful, difficult job we call motherhood. :)
In fact right after these pictures, Claire got a hold of one of Blake's ships and broke it to pieces, leading to crying from him and a timeout + crying for her...at that exact moment is when Nora puked on herself and started screaming....that is MOSTLY what is happening in our home these days...
BUT rather I post this to remind myself that we did have A MOMENT where I felt like we had settled into our new rhythm of 3 kids with 1 mom for 12 hours a day...that is what I want to try to challenge myself to remember during the other moments-the ones that can whisper that we will never find our grove.
These moments remind me that with grace and love from Jesus we will hopefully have more and more of them as the days and weeks go on...and on the days we don't...they will help remind me that it is possible, I am not failing, we are figuring this out together and I am loved in the midst of this crazy, wonderful, difficult job we call motherhood. :)
***Please note too these pictures were taken at 11am and we ALL are in our PJs*** :)
Monday, February 25, 2013
Claire...Happy 3rd!
Today Claire Rachel Dobbins turns 3! I can hardly believe that she is 3 years old. She is such a joy and adds quite the spirit and spunk to the Dobbins crew.
Claire has a special place in our family-the only person who gets to be both a little and big sister! Both Justin and I are eldest kiddos as is Blake, and little Nora gets to be our littlest. But Claire gets the fun job of being a Little Sister to Blake and a Big Sister to Nora. :)
She is my little spunky lady-who keeps me praying hard for the teenage years;) and builds my faith that someday she will follow Jesus with the same abandon that she lives life now. She, more than myself as a rule follower and worrier by nature, has the potential to follow Jesus with such a joy for adventure it makes me excited for what is ahead for her. Her willingness to go at things with such excitement and minimal worry makes me smile.
She hopefully will be our only kid that lets us know when she is upset that she will "shake her bottom at us" but at the same time will likely teach her sister the art of being a comedian in the midst of getting in trouble;). She makes me thankful that we have years to work on helping her grasp that spirit in a good and productive way-and teach her that obedience to mom and dad (and eventually Jesus) really does have her best interest in mind. :)
Today we celebrate Claire! Her tiny little body packs quite the personality-I am blessed to be her mom and can't imagine our family and lives without her in them!
Claire has a special place in our family-the only person who gets to be both a little and big sister! Both Justin and I are eldest kiddos as is Blake, and little Nora gets to be our littlest. But Claire gets the fun job of being a Little Sister to Blake and a Big Sister to Nora. :)
She is my little spunky lady-who keeps me praying hard for the teenage years;) and builds my faith that someday she will follow Jesus with the same abandon that she lives life now. She, more than myself as a rule follower and worrier by nature, has the potential to follow Jesus with such a joy for adventure it makes me excited for what is ahead for her. Her willingness to go at things with such excitement and minimal worry makes me smile.
She hopefully will be our only kid that lets us know when she is upset that she will "shake her bottom at us" but at the same time will likely teach her sister the art of being a comedian in the midst of getting in trouble;). She makes me thankful that we have years to work on helping her grasp that spirit in a good and productive way-and teach her that obedience to mom and dad (and eventually Jesus) really does have her best interest in mind. :)
Today we celebrate Claire! Her tiny little body packs quite the personality-I am blessed to be her mom and can't imagine our family and lives without her in them!
Waiting...wrote this the morning that Nora decided to make her entrance... :)
Written around 6:30 am on 2/9/2013...1 hour later my water broke...
Waiting is something that I have never really be fond of, something that I have figured out how to do with practice, and something that still sharpens my trust in Jesus.
Today we are still waiting for #3 to decide to enter this world. I have done this once before, Claire was 5 days late, I was okay at it then, but this time seems harder. Maybe it is because I had somehow convinced myself that since I had already been late with 1 kid, surely I wouldn't have to do that again. Or maybe it is because with each passing day I worry a little more about what is going on in there with my little one. Whatever the reason it reminds me that waiting is still hard for me, letting go of control is still not something I love, and that patience is still a fruit that is ripening on my tree.
I have to make a conscious effort to trust in the timing of this kiddos arrival. Part of what is helping me do this is the reminder that this is the last time I will do this...that is right...our family is complete after this baby. Never again will I anxiously await a 1st ultrasound praying that a heartbeat is found, never again will I feel the flutter of movement from the inside, never again will I watch my belly grow praying for no stretch marks along the way.
The day I go into labor will be the last time I get to be the first person to meet someone.
This baby has special place in our family, they get to finish the Dobbins Crew. Justin and I got to start it almost 9 year ago, Blake was picked to be our eldest 5 years ago, and almost 3 years ago Claire entered the family with her role a little unclear (middle or last)-it has been an adventure figuring that out and now that she is going to be our middle child she has settled into the role quiet nicely:). This baby gets to be our last.
So as we wait (hopefully not much longer) ;) it is good to remember that this really amazing season of life is coming to an end with the birthday of Baby D #3. A chapter is closing...and a new one is beginning.
Waiting is something that I have never really be fond of, something that I have figured out how to do with practice, and something that still sharpens my trust in Jesus.
Today we are still waiting for #3 to decide to enter this world. I have done this once before, Claire was 5 days late, I was okay at it then, but this time seems harder. Maybe it is because I had somehow convinced myself that since I had already been late with 1 kid, surely I wouldn't have to do that again. Or maybe it is because with each passing day I worry a little more about what is going on in there with my little one. Whatever the reason it reminds me that waiting is still hard for me, letting go of control is still not something I love, and that patience is still a fruit that is ripening on my tree.
I have to make a conscious effort to trust in the timing of this kiddos arrival. Part of what is helping me do this is the reminder that this is the last time I will do this...that is right...our family is complete after this baby. Never again will I anxiously await a 1st ultrasound praying that a heartbeat is found, never again will I feel the flutter of movement from the inside, never again will I watch my belly grow praying for no stretch marks along the way.
The day I go into labor will be the last time I get to be the first person to meet someone.
This baby has special place in our family, they get to finish the Dobbins Crew. Justin and I got to start it almost 9 year ago, Blake was picked to be our eldest 5 years ago, and almost 3 years ago Claire entered the family with her role a little unclear (middle or last)-it has been an adventure figuring that out and now that she is going to be our middle child she has settled into the role quiet nicely:). This baby gets to be our last.
So as we wait (hopefully not much longer) ;) it is good to remember that this really amazing season of life is coming to an end with the birthday of Baby D #3. A chapter is closing...and a new one is beginning.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Minimal Mondays
Happy New Year!
This past year has been a year-one that I look back on and in many ways am so thankful for yet in the same breath don't really know how we did it (well the secret is that we didn't do it alone-Jesus helped QUITE a bit) ;).
Looking back on 2012-the moving, the packing, the re-locating, the un-packing, the settling, helping with a new church plant, the meeting new people, working on new friendships, making room to keep up with old friendships, navigating a new town, new job, new schedule, basically getting used to our NEW LIFE...has left us busy.
It is funny-while on the Westside of the state I was AT least 15-30 minutes away from MOST of my friendships (I was blessed with a few right down the road...but not many). This distance seemed daunting on some days, knowing that to do a playdate or go to a mom's group I would be on the road for 45 minutes to an hour...but that was life over there so we rolled with it:)
Moving to Pullman-this is no longer the case, and I have quickly found that I have even settled into the lifestyle so much so that Moscow (a mere 15 minute drive) seems far...and I really have to NEED to go there to make the trek;). Initially when we got here I thought, "This is great! The kids and I will have much more down time! and Soo much less time in the the car!"
While the less time in the car has proven to be true...the down time has not. By nature I am a do-er-and extrovert you might say-resting is something I don't often think about-but I know that is is good and right for me to rest. I got to have LOTS of down time this Christmas as my parents came into town and we just kind of stopped life (the town of Pullman becomes pretty quiet too during the holidays so that helps) :)-and hung out with my family-did stuff to prepare for baby and rested. It was GREAT!
During that time I realized what was different out here for me...that distance from friends that seemed hard...KEPT me from doing stuff on everyday...especially MONDAYS (Sunday's were busy with church being one of those things that was about 20-25 minutes from us and some Sunday's we would make the drive 2 times)...therefore me an the kids RARELY did stuff on Mondays...we hung out, maybe watched a little more TV, read books, stayed in our pjs, and rested. :)
Even though Sunday's are still busy I had forgotten that boundary I had set-mostly because I didn't really know I had set it for us until placed in a new environment.
So here we are-still in our PJs-the kids are playing some board games and I am writing this (mostly for myself). Just because everything is only 5 minutes away...doesn't mean I have to go do something :).
Here is to a New Year and re-instating old habits in a new location-welcome back Minimal Mondays!
This past year has been a year-one that I look back on and in many ways am so thankful for yet in the same breath don't really know how we did it (well the secret is that we didn't do it alone-Jesus helped QUITE a bit) ;).
Looking back on 2012-the moving, the packing, the re-locating, the un-packing, the settling, helping with a new church plant, the meeting new people, working on new friendships, making room to keep up with old friendships, navigating a new town, new job, new schedule, basically getting used to our NEW LIFE...has left us busy.
It is funny-while on the Westside of the state I was AT least 15-30 minutes away from MOST of my friendships (I was blessed with a few right down the road...but not many). This distance seemed daunting on some days, knowing that to do a playdate or go to a mom's group I would be on the road for 45 minutes to an hour...but that was life over there so we rolled with it:)
Moving to Pullman-this is no longer the case, and I have quickly found that I have even settled into the lifestyle so much so that Moscow (a mere 15 minute drive) seems far...and I really have to NEED to go there to make the trek;). Initially when we got here I thought, "This is great! The kids and I will have much more down time! and Soo much less time in the the car!"
While the less time in the car has proven to be true...the down time has not. By nature I am a do-er-and extrovert you might say-resting is something I don't often think about-but I know that is is good and right for me to rest. I got to have LOTS of down time this Christmas as my parents came into town and we just kind of stopped life (the town of Pullman becomes pretty quiet too during the holidays so that helps) :)-and hung out with my family-did stuff to prepare for baby and rested. It was GREAT!
During that time I realized what was different out here for me...that distance from friends that seemed hard...KEPT me from doing stuff on everyday...especially MONDAYS (Sunday's were busy with church being one of those things that was about 20-25 minutes from us and some Sunday's we would make the drive 2 times)...therefore me an the kids RARELY did stuff on Mondays...we hung out, maybe watched a little more TV, read books, stayed in our pjs, and rested. :)
Even though Sunday's are still busy I had forgotten that boundary I had set-mostly because I didn't really know I had set it for us until placed in a new environment.
So here we are-still in our PJs-the kids are playing some board games and I am writing this (mostly for myself). Just because everything is only 5 minutes away...doesn't mean I have to go do something :).
Here is to a New Year and re-instating old habits in a new location-welcome back Minimal Mondays!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)