I remember...

As people have been posting things on Facebook like "amazing Seattle weather in February...can't remember the last time it was like this then." I have been smiling because I do remember...it was February 2010...more towards the end of the month I guess...it is so clear in my mind even though it was 2 years ago. It is clear because I was waiting for Miss On her Own Time to arrive (5 days late is what she decided)...and I was SOOO thankful for the sunny days to take my then 26 month old little boy on walks and to the park.

I can't believe that we are about 2 weeks away from knowing Claire for 2 years...she is the almost the age that Blake was when she was born...

Time has this amazing way of disappearing once you have children...taking a moment today to try to remember and slow it down...

And the work continues....

Honesty....that is what this post is about....

Some days in the midst of my life I realize how much work is still to be done in me. Especially in the area of truly LOVING how my God created me... I came out of my teens and twenties, thankfully, without the scars that an eating disorder can leave...but I certainly did not escape the message of the world to young women without distrust and shame creeping in.

Now on most days I have a handle on it (and when I say I I really mean "we" as in me and Jesus), especially since having a girl, I strive to focus less on that for myself and her...

Then there are some days in the midst of not finding anything to wear (which is ridiculous as I have a full closet)....not loving what the mirror speaks back to me that I realize I am not fully done with this war...there is more for me to surrender to Jesus...

Especially when the truth of the day is that...I have a husband who adores me and 2 kids who could CARE LESS... and most importantly a GOD who DESIGNED how He wanted me to look...this is when it hits me...that this battle makes NO sense...

That unless this gets worked out fully by God in me...there it sits...because in all logical arguments I shouldn't struggle with this anymore...but I do...confirming that nothing can reverse the lies that this world told me other than Jesus...

As I put these thoughts down this little thought comes to my mind... "Comparison is an unfair way to look at the world, because we were never meant to be the person which we are comparing ourselves to...we were meant to be our self..."

What we really want as parents.....

There are soo many things I dream and wish for my kids. I hope for them probably a little more than I hope for myself these days, which is some ways could be thought of as sad, but in other ways I feel like it is where I am supposed to be right now. Not having forgotten what I hoped, not refusing to take care of myself and my marriage, but rather a choice that for this fleeting time I will think, and pray, and hope for them at least as much as myself. When I sit down, in a quiet moment, what I really hope for my kids is that someday (sooner than later) they will fall in love with Jesus and make a commitment to follow Him. That is the long term goal....on a day to day basis that goal is often forgotten in the midst of teaching the important lessons of being kind, listening, obeying...

My training as a special education teacher combined with my nature in which we parent (I say we because while I am writing this post Justin is a very involved and good dad) in a way that pairs consequences with reward. In our home it simply has looked like a bit of a star chart for Buddy. Very quickly though I wasn't satisfied with the typical star chart which focuses solely on the behavior. I want more for my kids. While in the moment I want Blake to stop refusing to share with his sister at times, but in the long term I want him to understand that Jesus wants that for him because he wants him to be KIND. In the moment while I am being asked for the 100th time when we are going to the park, I just want the questioning to stop, but in the long term I want him to know that what I am asking him to do is HAVE PATIENCE.

So in hopes of making sure that I talk about these things this is what I came up with, it forces me in the midst of praising him to discuss not just the behavior but the attitude and reason. In short it actively brings the the Bible into our discussions throughout the day. Using this has been such a help to me in discussing the fruits of the spirit in a way that a 4 year old can grasp. Some of the things on the chart are things he is already really good at others we are working on. ;)

What I long for I can't do...only the Holy Spirit can call my kids to respond to Jesus...but I can bring the scripture to my kids in a way they can understand and apply to their lives...this has helped me...and I thought I would share. :)